The If Project

I spent this afternoon in prison… or, better yet, I just got home from prison. Words that, after being a cop for over 20 years, I never thought I’d say. Actually, I’ve tried to blog about my prison visits since we started this website. I’ve never found the words. Tonight I just may.

I’m always trying to understand what it is that I get so drawn to as I drive to a place where women are incarcerated. There’s a sadness about it, yet there is something that truly inspires me beyond that — something that truly affects me. I realized tonight what it is.

These personal insights have come after a time of inner struggle between a career in law enforcement and the established relationships with these inmates, many of whom I consider to now be friends. Oil and water. But it works and, really, it’s not oil and water; it’s human and human.
I realized after leaving that there is a connection I have with them that is unique from most other contacts I have on the “outs” (prison lingo for the outside). It is this: we actually sit in front of each other and talk. Talk… So simple… No texting… No emailing… No multi-tasking while attempting to have a conversation. We look at each other’s facial expressions into each other’s eyes and just talk. It’s made me realize how, in this technologically driven world, I have lost that connection with so may people. These women have not only opened their hearts, searched their souls, and pulled back layers of pain to give to this project in the belief of making a difference in some kid’s life, they have also brought me back to the importance of slowing down and connecting face-to-face with those around me. To experience human connection — I have that with them every time I walk into the prison and leave my so-called “communication enhancements” locked up in visiting. I just love visiting them, talking with them, catching up about their families, my work and the project, and watching their expressions and eyes.

I may have just gotten off on a huge tangent, but, for me, it’s been a significant lesson. Ha! I’m using this cursed technology to share it with you! But thanks to these women and this project, I will find a healthier balance and be grateful to have them in my life and for all they continue to teach me. The only difference between most of us is choices and circumstance.

Detective Kim Bogucki
Co-Founder, The IF Project