The Change in Me
On our last visit to WCCW, we asked the women to begin writing their own blogs. The topics they cover will range from– the day to day experience of being incarcerated, what it’s like to be a mother in prison, to what has transformed within them since they have been locked up.
This is another way, in addition to their essays and interviews, that they can work to understand themselves and give us an opportunity to do the same.
Below is a blog from Renata, who first encouraged her other inmates to answer the The If Project question. Her release date is in 2014.
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Yesterday, I was filled with joy. I had my yearly visit with my mom—it was so good to just hold her! And now today, I’m a little depressed knowing it will be a while before I see her again.
At times, it’s easier on me to not even call home. Half of my family are still in addictions and my mom has a lot on her plate and I can do nothing to help. Hearing about my siblings just reminds me of what I, myself, am putting my mom and children through.
I try to stay in the word and continue to work on behalf of myself to be a better mother, daughter and sister.
On Christmas, I will call home and the phone will be passed around. I think my family will be sad for me but not sad enough to stop their own addictions and that makes me sad.
My new hope is that someday they will see the change in me and want that for themselves.
Merry Christmas.
Renata
January 27th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Hello Renata . Your story is heart felt. but know that your mom is probably glad to know that she can find you in one piece. what is valuable to the essence of your survival is to know that God brought you here to be pleasing to him .we must forgive ourselves or else the death of Jesus will be of no purpose to us. forgiveness of ourselves and others is what makes God happy. You cant take back the pain you may have put your mother through but you can help her heal by trusting Jesu to do whatever he wills. just continue to pray for your lost love one’s .And work on you. yhis should help you get through your battles.Not to call home and you can will be real selfish of you. because your mom has made away to hear from you. so obviously she loves you and would like to hear from you.don’t be a stranger because you are thinking about your feelins that would probably hurt her mom .she already has to be on a schedule to see you.the heart is the most decisive who shall know it{Jer} Jesus loves you.
January 27th, 2010 at 2:31 pm
I do apolgize for all the misspell words Renata .i am in a hurry.i hope you can understand.